Illinoisans, If You Find One Of These In Your Garden You’ve Got A Big Problem

Have you ever spent the entire summer lovingly tending to a garden only to unearth a disaster in the fall? This happened to me yesterday, and I am still not ok. LOL!

A Black Thumb for Gardening

Let me start by saying, I am not a gardener, nor have I ever claimed to be. My kids enjoy planting seeds in the spring, so for the last two years, we have attempted to grow things in the three large garden boxes we have in our backyard.

My girls water the plants almost every day, and yes, things grow, but they are far from normal. This summer we dealt with runaway green bean plants (a result of overplanting I believe), an epic fail growing pumpkins, (we planted those seeds in the ground, not the garden boxes), Zinnia flowers on steroids, and carrots which I thought might be our saving grace until I unearthed things like this...

and this...

Ready for the worst/best one? Get a load of this...

LOL! I nearly died from laughing so hard when this pornographic carrot was unearthed from the dirt! It reminded me of this commercial that caused quite a stir when it aired for the first time last year...

After sending that ridiculous picture to one of my best friends, (who is a great gardener), she replied with;

That's an interesting one! You are a real gardener. 😂

Use seed tape next year.

Umm...seed tape, please excuse my gardening ignorance, but what the heck is that?

What Does Seed Tape Do?

According to the National Garden Bureau, seed tape is;

Seed tapes are a pre-sown product of single or multiple species of seeds that are already spaced between tissue layers at the correct distance for growing. Many flower, vegetable, or herb seeds can be purchased already incorporated into these products.

Seed tapes are great at preventing birds from eating seeds and for seeds washing into one another in heavy downpours or waterings. I guess my porno and monster-hand-shaped carrots are the result of water messing up our seed placement? Ridiculous.

Forget the seed tape, I'm throwing in my gardening towel. Next year, I'm sticking to only planting flowers.