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These Might Be the Lewdest-Sounding Town Names in the Midwest

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Vetta, Getty Images

A year or so back, I posted a piece in this space called “Some Illinois Towns Have Weird Names.” Some of the Illinois towns mentioned as being weirdly named were: Goofy Ridge, Oblong, Lowpoint, Muddy, Ransom, and Preemption. Time to make the move from weirdness to lewdness.

I’m throwing out a big hat-tip to Estately.com’s Ryan Nickum for doing the hard work of finding these lewdly-named burgs all across the United States. How’d he do it?

We’ve created a new map using only the lewdest, most sexualized town names. To do this, we placed our minds in the gutter and spent days looking over detailed maps and scrutinizing the names of all cities, towns, and unincorporated communities for anything that sounded even remotely sexual or perverse. For the sake of time, we intentionally omitted natural features like Little Dick Lake in Minnesota, as well neighborhoods, such as Mianus in Connecticut. We will update our list accordingly because we intend this to forever be The Master List of the Most Obscene Town Names in America.

Since we’re taking a look at the lewdest town names in the Midwest, let’s start with our own home state:

Illinois: Bone Gap, Boody, Breeds, Bush, Chicken Bristle, Chittyville, Diswood, Dongola, Ficklin, Honey Bend, Kumler, La Fox, Lick Creek, Love, Shobonier

 

Wisconsin: Breed, Cheat Lake, Dickeyville, Clam Falls, Imalone, Longwood, Sextonville, Spooner, Spread Eagle, Tainter

 

Michigan: Climax, Colon, Dick, Felch, Green Bush, Romeo, Sac Bay

 

Iowa: Balltown, Beaverdale, Cumming, Fertile, Hard Scratch, Inwood, Manly, Sac City

 

Indiana: Beaver City, French Lick, Effingham, Floyds Knobs, Friendswood, Gnaw Bone, Rocky Ripple, Spurgeon

 

Missouri: Conception, Conception Junction, Cooter, Corning, Fidelity, Ginger Blue, Knob Noster, Licking, Loose Creek, Number Eight, Pilot Knob, Tightwad, Wide Ford, Wien, Wood

 

Minnesota: Ball Bluff, Ball Club, Balsam, Beaver, Big Woods, Burnsville, Bush Landing, Chokio, Clappers, Climax, Comstock, Cumming, Embarrass, Erhard, Goldenrod, Good Thunder, Johnson, Kiester, Makinem, Moorhead, Remer, Sexton, Underwood, Whipholt

If you’ve found yourself giggling like a teenage boy (and we were at some of these names), you’ll probably want to look at Estately’s entire list of our nation’s lewdest-sounding place names. Click here.

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