Illinois Native Sets Bar High With Best Obit Ever
A man born and raised in Illinois must have had one heck of a sense of humor because he has the most entertaining obituary ever. This guy sounds like he was the guy everyone wanted around.
Here are some of the highlights of his Terry Ward's obituary posted at geisenfuneralhome.com:
Terry Wayne Ward, age 71, of DeMotte, IN, escaped this mortal realm on Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018, leaving behind 32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
You can't hate a guy for unknowingly (maybe?) prepping for a living version of The Walking Dead.
Terry is survived by his overly-patient and accepting wife Kathy,
It takes a good woman to handle a man with a sense of humor. But, how did they meet?
He met the love of his life, Kathy, by telling her he was a lineman – he didn’t specify early on that he was a lineman for the phone company, not the NFL.
In school, Terry may have a been somewhat of a character.
Terry graduated from Thornridge High School in South Holland, IL, where only three of his teachers took an early retirement after having had him as a student.
Terry was a veteran that retired after dedicating so many year to AT&T.
He retired from AT&T after 39 years of begrudging service, where he accumulated roughly 3,000 rolls of black electrical tape during the course of his career (which he used for everything from open wounds to “Don’t use this button” covers).
Later Terry would become the grandpa we see on TV and in movies.
He was a renowned distributor of popsicles and ice cream sandwiches to his grandchildren. He also turned on programs such as “Phineas and Ferb” for his grand-youngins, usually when they were actually there.
Perhaps the best part of the memories of Terry (who I've never met) comes toward the end of his obituary.
He despised “uppity foods” like hummus, which his family lovingly called “bean dip” for his benefit, which he loved consequently. He couldn’t give a damn about most material things, and automobiles were never to be purchased new. He never owned a personal cell phone and he had zero working knowledge of the Kardashians.